Suicide and my wish for it
by SoulfulXheart
Summary: Maka commits suicide...this story represents me, please read... rated m for suicidal triggers


_dear myself,_

_this is it , i know it is ive said this to myself a million times; but, now i know its for real. im tired, im just so very tired my dad pissed me off, as if school wasnt bad enough today. im going to do it , i just have to_

Maka stops writing and gets up to go and get the rope...she ties it to the ceiling fan knowing shes going to do it. she knows shes ready ,' _honestly its like a game , the first one dead wins . i believe that so much because i feel like a loser living'. _ its the perfect time , she knows shes ready! shes that desperate to leave , and can you blame her life has been nothing but cruel to her ever since her mom and dad split. She lost her boyfriend kid to another girl named liz, she had to let go of so many of her friends just to not ever hear his name again. Shes been in a mental hospital , thinking why she would think of ending her life, well no more thinking , no more being miserable or feel like your dying inside because she knows shes ready!

she knows she has to do it , if she doesnt shes just going to look down on herself even more and hate herself more then she already does.'_if i kill myself can i still get into heaven' _she thinks to herself. it takes a lot to drive a person to drag a blade against their wrist , but even more to make it press down. But no one knows no one will ever know...until later on. instead of writing down her goodbyes and expressing it on paper she gets the video camera with a chair.

she stands on the chair. she starts to tie the rope on her neck, shes in tears and she knows its for real this time she can feel it. she starts recording and begins to say whats needed to be said.

"***tears* hehe so here i am ... i guess you can see what im trying to do . i know that who ever watches this video will laugh because honestly who cares. im not going to say sorry to my father ... im not going to say sorry to my step mom IM NOT GOING TO APOLIGIZE!... *cries* my life has been nothing but a living hell , i tired and i tried but nothing has ever worked I CANT GET BACK TO MYSELF! i am sorry to my best friend , soul im so sorry this isnt because of you but in reality all those times you insulted me , i really did feel hurt , i really needed at least you to be there for me and you couldnt but its ok itll be over for me soon... kid honestly the day i found out that...you wanted to dump m for another girl IT BROKE MY HEART INTO PIECES YOU BASTARD! you never cared , you always lied about how you felt , you just used me and threw me out for something better I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!..."**

she continues to say her sorries to the people she loved. she said her friends patty, tsubaki, jackie , and kim were the people she wished would have saved her , they know about her cutting but there advice and caring natures wasnt enough to stop this from happening.

Maka stares at the camera. As she says all those things she keeps it in mind that shes lost herself and she cant find her way back. She doesnt want to keep on pretending to be fine when in reality shes dying inside and she knows she wont get better. She just cant anymore. Everyday she would come to school with a smile on her face, and everyone thinks shes fine ...but shes not , shes tried to be happy so many times that she actually started believing her own lies. But it wasnt enough , nothing could be enough , and nothing could ever be enough. she ends the video telling everyone not to blame themselves for what shes about to do . '_it wasnt your faults ...i love you...even though all of you might not love me back'._

she apoligizes for everything , '_im sorry i for not being strong anymore, im sorry for breaking down, im sorry for putting you through so much pain that you guys had to leave me...im just so sorry"._

she takes the remote that controls the camera . she takes one foot off the chair , realizing that shes not afraid to die , shes tired of life itself , she wants to end it.

'_...i love you...' _. the camera stops recording and she takes both feet off the falling chair.

...and as the camera goes off ...she goes off...

_depression has destroyed me. it made me suffer. it made me hate the people im suppose to love._

_ im not who use to be. i have slowly lost everything, and now its coming in for the kill._

_ ...im sorry..._

* * *

><p><strong> this story represents me ... most words from the youtube video from alex newman ...thxs.<strong>

**maka= me Eliane Morales**

**soul= gadiel **

**kid=marius**

**patty= yeidri**

**tsubaki=karilyn**

**jackie=sarah**

**kim=mari**

**...all of this represents **

**my shattered heart...**


End file.
